Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
