You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
