i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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