hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
