When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
