What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
