Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
