i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
