He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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