You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
