and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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