I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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