Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
