remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
