Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
