FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
