"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
