Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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