I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
