I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad just said "fuck circus"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
