yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
