why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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