ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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