dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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