But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
