i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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