So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
