So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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