hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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