Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
