I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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