Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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