ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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