nut hugger
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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