Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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