by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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