that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
