You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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