For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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