What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
