So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
