it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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