i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Randomize
