Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
