He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
