I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
