dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
God, you're like boner-b-gone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
