Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
