Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
