She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
