bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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