if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
